Fact: there’s a thin line between love and lunacy and while a number of songs teeter right on the edge, there are some that just dive right on into Creepville.
Songs like the Police’s “Every Breath You Take” and Death Cab for Cutie’s “I Will Possess Your Heart” are classic examples of songs that read more like manifestos from serial killers or stalkers rather than intensely sweet declarations of love. But there are so many more. So, so many.
In the gallery above, you’ll find 11 of the most skin-crawling “love” songs that you’ll probably never hear the same way again. Sorry.
Song: "End of the Road"
Artist: Boyz II Men
Song summary: The end of this road is a body bag.
Creeptastic line: "Girl you know we belong together/ I have no time for you to be playing/ With my heart like this/ You'll be mine forever baby, you just see."
Song: “I’m Gonna Getcha Good!”
Artist: Shania Twain
Song summary: You. Will. Love. Her.
Creeptastic line: "So don't try to run honey, love can be fun/ There's no need to be alone when you find that someone."
Song: “I Will Follow Him”
Artist: Little Peggy March
Song summary: She’ll follow him. Everywhere. With blind devotion. No wonder the song found a place in the film Sister Act.
Creeptastic line: "I will follow him/ Follow him wherever he may go/ There isn’t an ocean too deep/ A mountain so high it can keep/ Keep me away."
Song: “Crash Into Me”
Artist: Dave Matthews Band
Song summary: Need icky euphemisms for sex? Dave can help you out.
Creeptastic line: "You come crash/ Into me, baby/ And I come into you/ Hike up your skirt a little more/ And show the world to me."
Song: “Bleeding Love”
Artist: Leona Lewis
Song summary: The real silent killer of falling in love — iron deficiency.
Creeptastic line: "My heart's crippled by the vein/ That I keep on closing/ You cut me open and I/ Keep bleeding/ I keep, keep bleeding love."
Artist: Sarah McLachlan
Song summary: When restraining orders fail. Literally, actually, since McLachlan wrote this about her own stalker.
Creeptastic line: "And I would be the one/ To hold you down/ Kiss you so hard/ I'll take your breath away/ And after I'd wipe away the tears/ Just close your eyes dear."
Song: “You’re 16 (You’re Beautiful and You’re Mine)”
Artist: Johnny Burnette
Song summary: An ode to illegal love affairs, given that Burnette was 26 when he had this hit.
Creeptastic line: "You're my baby, you're my pet/ We fell in love on the night we met/ You touched my hand, my heart went pop/ Ooh, when we kissed I could not stop."
Song summary: Chloroform and a handkerchief are just one more sleepless night away.
Creeptastic line: "I never really cared until I met you/ And now it chills me to the bone/ How do I get you alone/ How do I get you alone."
Song: “You’ve Never Been This Far Before”
Artist: Conway Twitty
Song summary: First-time songs almost always sound predatory. Blech.
Creeptastic line: "I can feel your body tremble/ As you wonder what this moment holds in store/ And as I put my arms around you/ I can tell you've never been this far before."
Song: “Where the Wild Roses Go”
Artist: Nick Cave feat. Kylie Minogue
Song summary: Murderers bring flowers. Don’t trust them.
Creeptastic line: "He showed me the roses and we kissed/ And the last thing I heard was a muttered word/ As he knelt smiling above me with a rock in his fist."
Artist: R. Kelly feat. Tyrese, Robin Thicke and the Dream
Song summary: You know that thing when a woman looks so good, you just wanna get her pregnant? No? Me neither.
Creeptastic line: "Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant/ Lay your body down and get you pregnant/ Knock you up, pregnant, knock you up." [And it just keeps getting worse. So much worse.]
Hang out with me on Twitter: @_AndreaWarner